I hear you. I've not ventured on to FetLife, although an increasing number of people I know, like, and fuck are there, and seem to think it is a good thing.

I also wonder how much of my perception is based in my amazing ability to normalize my own life. Really? Most people don't keep a sharps container in their bedroom? Are you sure, or is it that you just have not seen it there? Really? Most people don't come when you hit them repeatedly? You're just flattering me I'm sure.

Academically, I think there is a difference between behaviour and identity. The behaviour is liking spanking people, and knives and whatever else you may get up to, the identity is "being part of the scene". For some people identity and behaviour overlap beautifully, for others, they do not map well onto each other - which to me explains all manner of things.

I sometimes wonder if my failure to identify as part of the scene is a problem. Am I failing in my political obligations to ensure sexual freedom? Am I letting others do the work and reaping the rewards (and scars and bruises)? I do want to keep my sex life and my work very separate, but I also feel that is appropriate. I would love to hear other's thoughts on this.