pantryslut | (no subject)

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bdsm

(no subject)

The more time I spend on FetLife, the more I begin to revert to my idea that (despite any play or publishing or other professional or volunteer credits to the contrary) I'm not a member of the 'scene,' I just really like rough sex.

And spanking people.

And knives.

And...oh, forget it. But you know what I mean.

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I think being in the scene require socializing among perverts - or maybe a big chunk of social time is about being a pervert? At least, I've never been part of the "scene" and I've always chalked it up to having a lot of civilian friends and failing to show up to many perv focused shindigs. I go to sex parties now and then, but usually I have sex and then leave. I don't know, I tend to run from any environment where there is a popularity-based class system.

Yeah. FetLife is...uh...yeah. Sometimes I want to laugh hysterically, other times I am concerned for everyone involved, and other tiems I want to say "you do realize that I actually *do* these things as opposed to spending hours pontificating on the proper form of how people should do them?"

I am a bad person.

yeah.

i also have this thing where there are some things i read about online or talk to friends who do, and i am suddenly convinced that i am the most vanilla of the vanilla ever, and then i talk to another set of people and for some reason they don't keep their rope and carabiners and lighters and pretty knives in the bedroom and give me these *looks* when i am surprised about that.

I've been mostly using it to find old friends from way back when, and connecting with new folks in SF and PDX.

I'm wary of discussions tho. I have some ideas about how I like my D/s, but that's what works for me, not for anyone else. :)

Tho I have to say, you want a rant, the fact that local SF event producers can't seem to get information out about any events in a reasonable amount of time make me UTTERLY CRAZY: eg, event tomorrow night, details show up at 1:30 am this morning... THIS is more that its making sure it stays a clique and never becomes accessible to those of us who have an entire life outside of our kinky sex and other relationships.

I hear you. I've not ventured on to FetLife, although an increasing number of people I know, like, and fuck are there, and seem to think it is a good thing.

I also wonder how much of my perception is based in my amazing ability to normalize my own life. Really? Most people don't keep a sharps container in their bedroom? Are you sure, or is it that you just have not seen it there? Really? Most people don't come when you hit them repeatedly? You're just flattering me I'm sure.

Academically, I think there is a difference between behaviour and identity. The behaviour is liking spanking people, and knives and whatever else you may get up to, the identity is "being part of the scene". For some people identity and behaviour overlap beautifully, for others, they do not map well onto each other - which to me explains all manner of things.

I sometimes wonder if my failure to identify as part of the scene is a problem. Am I failing in my political obligations to ensure sexual freedom? Am I letting others do the work and reaping the rewards (and scars and bruises)? I do want to keep my sex life and my work very separate, but I also feel that is appropriate. I would love to hear other's thoughts on this.

Hear hear.

I've found that a common interest in kinky sex is not an indicator for other common interests, nor is it enough of a basis for connection/friendship. Unless the connection is about having sex, of course.

Edited 2009-04-08 23:19 (UTC)

Yup.

Me, I'm not part of the kinky scene or the poly community.

Whatevs.

Xoxo

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