(no subject)

[pantryslut]

The more time I spend on FetLife, the more I begin to revert to my idea that (despite any play or publishing or other professional or volunteer credits to the contrary) I'm not a member of the 'scene,' I just really like rough sex.

And spanking people.

And knives.

And...oh, forget it. But you know what I mean.

Comments

[charleshaynes.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I stopped doing things with "bisexuals" when all we had in common was bisexuality because I discovered that wasn't really very much in common at all - especially when that's their primary identification. I'm bisexual kind of like I'm bipedal, it's just a fact.

And this whole "scene" "community" whatever? Being kinky isn't enough in common, being queer isn't enough (though it's closer), being a gender activist, fat activist, whatever single facet isn't enough.

But that doesn't mean there isn't a "scene" or "community" that I'm part of - I think there is. It's just a lot smaller and harder to find than FetLife. The "articulate, reality-based, gender queer, sex positive, kinky, witty ..." well that's a start - that community, that scene. That's the one I belong to.

But another part of the problem with FetLife and online communities in general, is that for me, it's not enough that *you* might consider yourself part of that community. If I were to create a community that claimed to be for people having all the characteristics I describe above, it wouldn't work. Anyone who actually HAD those characteristics probably wouldn't join, and anyone who did join probably wouldn't have those characteristics.

Bottom line? I think there is a "scene" that you (and I) are part of - but you aren't likely to "find it" online. At best you might find some leads on people worth meeting. Mostly we're left with word of mouth, and kissing a few frogs to tell each other about the ones who aren't.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I think I was misled by the number of people who really seemed to *like* FetLife. Some folks are clearly getting something out of it; me, not so much at the moment. I hang on b/c I *am* a part-time professional pervert and it feels helpful in a networking sense, but we'll see.

Besides, my newest seekrit mini-crush is on FetLife, and I like looking at the pictures :) (So I guess I am getting something out of it, too.)