Just For The Social Record

[pantryslut]

For the record, I am a good listener and super curious about everything and always want to hear all about it. This is why LJ has been so very good to me.

However, I am also shy, so how/when to ask the questions to start these convos often escapes me.

Sorry.

To top off this little social sundae, I was raised by wolves...er, by graduate students who were too busy raising four kids plus pursuing their theses to actually, you know, have any friends. (At least once they stopped smoking pot.)* So I really have no idea how to make polite conversation. Even sincere polite conversation, much less small talk. I wasn't acculturated into any form or style of interaction. I wasn't acculturated at all...

I'm really good at answering questions, though, if that helps. And no subject of conversation is ever inappropriate around me :)



* Which happened, at my best estimates, around when my brother was born, so I was six. I was young enough and they were circumspect enough that I don't actually have any memories of them indulging, only circumstantial evidence. And a cute anecdote about my dad's hospital intake and my mom's shame, but even that's second-hand.

Comments

[cheekytubemouse.livejournal.com]

That makes two of us. I often fear that I'm being rude or boring even around people whom I've known for years and am sure actually LIKE me.

Seconded.

[voyeurprincess.livejournal.com]

I am just terrible at small talk. I answer questions, though! And if the other party/ies are able to hold up their own end by asking/answering, we do all right. I am eternally grateful for the born hostesses and schmoozers, though.

[manomano.livejournal.com]

As an adult I had to learn that my best way of engaging in polite conversation is to ask questions. People love talking about themselves, so usually a few questions opens them up and gets them going.

But then, I was raised by a psycho interrogator.

[bunnybutt.livejournal.com]

Wow. And all these years I've been intimidated by you as so much more socially well-adjusted than I am.

We've met, but I doubt you would remember me. Desperately shy myself, I generally assume people don't.

But I read you regularly, admire you from afar, and would love to knit things for your twins if getting things from strange fangirls on LJ wouldn't be too weird.

[fattest.livejournal.com]

Shyness is a hard thing all around. I usually figure that people who don't ask questions aren't interested. I guess when I'm the less shy one I need to get better at initiating conversation, rather than letting the silence trigger my own shyness. I suppose another way of saying that is that perhaps I shouldn't take shyness personally. But it's also not easy to know. I suppose having someone announce that they're shy could be my clue. ;)

[smallstages.livejournal.com]

We are similar! I am shy and awkward (raised by the afflicted), but have dealt with it by developing finesse at getting other people to do all the talking. People often think I'm GREAT but don't know anything about me at all. And then I whine. As you've seen.

I'm still lobbying for brunch, by the way. What if I pitch in a free babysitter? I have a great one, with references, and he would love meeting your family. He also works at Children's Fairyland and is named Little Timmy Neighbors.

[goodbadgirl.livejournal.com]

You are a very good listener. Excellent actually.

Sigh. I am missing my peeps today.

xoxoxo

[whittles.livejournal.com]

You and heliocide have a similar way around this, including the raised by wolves thing.

[aquenigmatic.livejournal.com]

OK, first of all, I just am overwhelmed with the urge to say that I find you and this post adorable in its vulnerability and pillar-of-strength, heart-of-gold, brainiac thing you got goin on there. Typical.

I can also relate to quite a bit of what you say.

You can always ask me anything. (This goes for anyone). I have a high-scoring evasion attribute for uncomfortable topics, or I will politely decline to answer.

I hope I'm getting better at asking questions. Your mystery entrances me and then I look in your eyes and get mightily distracted sometimes. But I've always been very curious about you. So I will continue to ask away, because I find you fascinating.

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

This is hard.

I can't tell if you like me at all and that makes me feel awkward in my interactions with your family. I come to play with your babies and I can't tell if I'm being welcomed or just tolerated, if that makes sense. I never feel particularly greeted, so I can't tell if you yourself like having me around, or if you see me as S's friend who comes over sometimes. (I'm also uncertain of G, fwiw.)

[reveritas.livejournal.com]

I like you and I think I met you once, and have met G once and we had a long talk about baseball. I never have met S that I know of. If I saw you again I would ask you a million questions about your work and your babies, and probably talk your damn ear off, which I do with everyone. I lurk at your journal (moreso since reading your comments around Racefail) and this post made me think: I have the opposite situation (not problem; just situation) -- I can small talk with the best of them, immediately hit it off with most people UNLESS they want someone to have a deep conversation about feelings and processing ... that stuff, I can only do with my very closest friends (such as one you know, stopword). Everyone else gets the chitchat, which isn't idle or meaningless since I really do want to hear about the writing and the babies.... But a lot of people seem to find chat/small talk so odious that they don't want to do it at all, ever.

[vgqn.livejournal.com]

I learned early on that asking questions is a good way to get started, though I eventually felt like even being a good listener wasn't a sufficient contribution to the conversation. And sometimes the convos got a little too one-sided for me (some people just don't reciprocate asking questions at all).

I remember meeting people in my 20s who were great storytellers and wished I could tell stories like that too. Somewhere in my 30s it finally occurred to me that this skill wasn't going to just happen spontaneously (for me, at least), so I made a more conscious effort to figure out how good storytelling worked. And yes, I sometimes even make mental notes about what I might talk to people about before I attend a social event. If I don't, I can still be astonishingly tongue-tied ("How was your trip to X?" Me: "Uh, fine." -- what a conversation closer!).