Back from Vegas

I'll answer the burning question first: I wore the suit and the black longline bra, along with a little gold chain and a three-skull hair ornament by elisem. Now I need to find an excuse to wear the slinky dress, because it looks pretty good on me if I do say so myself, but I was just not feeling femme enough to pull it off on Saturday night. Maybe it's because I spent the previous two hours or so watching football in my hotel room...

I'll have to give you Vegas in dribs and drabs, due to work and stuff. Here's a drib: The AVN Awards managed to both start and end on time. Can you believe it?

More soon.

Intermission

Spam subject line of the day:

"There is a chive on your tooth."

(no subject)

The AVN Awards show (very much unlike the accompanying Adult Expo) reminded me of one of the reasons I like my job: as one of the ladies in the red carpet line (more on that later) noted, porn attracts eccentrics. I was seated in the "pro zone," between the front phalanx of nominees and the back zone of fans; behind me were about two table-rows reserved for "talent" and in front of me, about a row's worth of tables bought by production companies and stocked with production people.

It's the production people, especially the smaller outfits, who get to let it all hang out. The one directly in front of me had a big guy with truly amazing braids and a slightly, but only slightly, pimped-out suit on. (There were plenty of completely pimped-out suits elsewhere). There was an uber-goth guy two tables to the left of me, snuggling with his fat femme girlfriend. Ask me why I noticed :) My point being, it wasn't all tiny porn stars in overdone makeup and skimpy dresses, not at all. There was actually a nice variety of folks in the industry zone. I definitely felt like I was with my people, a feeling I definitely did not have at the Expo. (More on that later too.)

At my table, we had two tiny porn stars, two male reviewers in nice suits, and the three "lady reviewers of porn" as I have taken to calling us. We were all on the plump side, we were all having a ball, and the woman who sat next to me kept cheering or cursing as the winners were announced, circling them diligently in her program. I think she came all the way from Connecticut. She was intense and clearly opinionated. Of course, we were all opinionated -- that's why we're reviewers.

Intermission: Lunch

There is a second new hot dog joint within walking distance of my office. This one looks to be trying to replicate the Rosamunde Grill in the Haight, so I can't complain. No, I did not try it out today. But never fear, I'll get there.

I'm a little startled at the turnover rate of some of the lunch places around here. Sumoburger is gone. There were at least two new eateries besides the hot dog place on a single block of Kearney alone. Who knows how long they will last?

The red carpet

There wasn't actually a red carpet. there was an aisle, defined by police-style barricades. Along the barricades pressed hundreds of fans and onlookers, most of them with cameras. One of them was a very pregnant Bella Donna in black skullcap, with a big smile for her friends and a video camera. She wasn't attending the awards in part because her due date is any second now, apparently. She waved and slipped away just as I passed her.

The line in was very slow and very crowded. Kind of what cattle must feel like going to the slaughterhouse. I fell in next to a "corporate wife" and a guy with no ticket. He was schmoozing everyone, trying to cadge a date. Including me. If I'd wanted (OK, been allowed) a date, I'd've taken the fellow snoozing back at the hotel room, thank you. He tried to follow me in as I stepped into the hallway just in front of the Venetian's ballroom, but he got stopped by the security people. I saw the big sign that said "no weapons," but I didn't get frisked. Nobody paid any attention to the fine print on the ticket that forbade recording devices, but I didn't have one of those either.

Mishaps: the second musical act (Lip?)'s guitar never made it to the speakers. I liked their song better without it. (The first musical act, fwiw, was Smash Mouth. I would've thought they were too wholesome for a porn awards show, but I'm obviously wrong. You can guess what they played. The third musical act was a hip-hop guy who multiplied into four guys before our very eyes. I don't remember any of their names.)

Savanna Samson (I think -- will fact check when I get home) was accidentally announced as the winner for Best Actress-Film; the real winner was Jenna Jameson. Savanna was already up on the stage before the error was noticed. As she left, she whisked off her wrap dress and waved at the crowd with an angry/proud expression. Jenna (who, btw, is no longer blonde, and thus looks much more attractive to me) said something nice about how Savanna deserved to win the award just as much as anyone else, and made it convincing, thus earning her trophy yet again.

Not only did the awards show start and end on time, but the host, whose name I'll look up, was actually funny, and so were the pre-taped humor segments. The host also knew her porn, which greatly enhanced her patter. I admit I howled when she said to Nick Manning, "Nick, you're pretty, but when you're fucking, just shut up."

Ron Jeremy was there.

One way they kept the show on time and to only two hours was by ruthlessly scrolling through all the smaller awards on the video screens (including Best Male Newcomer, hee hee), announcing the winners via voiceover, and sending the winners to the back to pick up their trophies instead of bringing them onstage.

The bathroom afterwards was high femme heaven, but hell if all you wanted to do was get to the sink to wash your hands.

The walk out was as long and slow as the walk in, but less crowded on the inside. The fans were still going strong on the other side of the barriers, though. One guy asked me, "what company are you with?" I told him I reviewed for AVN, and only later did it occur to me that he might have been wondering what my movies were. And funny, I actually *have* movies I could have pointed him to, if I'd been so inclined. Oh well.

So, have I covered everything you ever wanted to know about porn awards shows, or do you have questions for me? Ask away!