but I don't like rollercoasters.

Hi. that was an emotionally intense weekend in all sorts of directions. I can't really break it down, but I can give you glimpses:

1. Met an old out-of-town friend and former co-worker by chance in the lobby of the Tori Amos concert as I was leaving.

2. Ran into several people who said, "I think I've met you before...did you used to do [x]? I thought so!" Or, "I saw you read at [y] and you were wonderful, and you're wonderful today, and I'm just a starfucker and I apologize!" Or, "You were here last year, too, right?" Or some other variation of "haven't we met before?" You might get the impression that I've been around.

3. Sometimes this weekend, "I've been around" meant, instead, that I felt shopworn and not all that.

4. Felt out of place in three (and a half) separate venues for three (and a half) different reasons. Enjoyed myself as best I could anyway.

5. Lots of body issues, too, for complicated reasons that I don't want to share so much in public. Body issues are unusual for me, see, but as I am not Enlightened sometimes they catch up with me anyway.

6. There was a fourth venue, and it was chaotic and stressful, and I just floated through that one. And a fifth that I felt just fine at.

7. Big emotional icebergs.

8. Love and tenderness.

9. Not enough sleep.

10. Lots of lovely people in my life, and lots of chance to see them.

To sum up: a very strange sense of displacement in the present, and connections with the past. Not nostalgia; more a sense that whatever else is going on, my foundation is solid. I am who I am because of where I've been.

(no subject)

OK, so you missed being able to see me scantily-clad and silent at Nude Aid on Sunday. Sorry that I forgot to publicize the fact that I was modeling. I modeled! It was fun! I wore boots and silly frilly things! I was representing the fat chicks. Next year maybe I will even represent the fat butch/genderfucked chicks. Oh, complicated art and representation issues! Strangely, this is the (otherwise chaotic) venue that I felt perfectly fine in. I am a seasoned professional art model, you see.

Since you are all heartbroken to have missed me and all, here are two more upcoming chances to see me. You might even be able to talk me into being scantily clad.

First: Homo for the Holidays! Presented by SF In Exile. We're queering the season! Also on the bill: Meliza Banales, Thea Hillman, Logan Knight, Carol Queen, and Steven Schwartz. Saturday, December 15th, 2007, 7:30pm, Joe's Garage, 975 Howard Street, San Francisco (between 5th & 6th). $15-50 sliding scale (no one turned away for lack of funds).

Then: Perverts Put Out!. The Hangover Edition! Lineup TBA, though rumor has it we'll have Simon Sheppard, Gina DeVries, horehound stillpoint, Trebor Healey, and me... Saturday, January 5, 2008, 7:30 pm. CounterPULSE!, 1310 Mission St., San Francisco. $10-20 sliding scale (no one turned away for lack of funds).

Also, I have this fab pair of red and black snakeskin pants I promised their former owner to debut in a very public way. So, a bonus poll:


[Poll #1103765]

P.S.

I refuse to speculate on the theory that I enjoyed Nude Aid as much as I did because someone fed me a cupcake just before the doors opened. In a star-shaped foil cup!