tiny note on gender and parenting

A zillion and a half of you have probably already seen S. Bear Bergman's article in Slate today, on "gender-neutral" parenting and suchlike; if not, it's here.

It reminded me, though, of a question that I don't think I've really publicly answered about gender and my kids. So I'll take this opportunity to issue a wee policy statement just for the record.

I gave my kids very gender-marked names, and I used (and continue to use) gendered pronouns until asked to do otherwise by my kids. (Simone negotiates her pronouns differently according to different audiences; so far she says it's OK for me to use "she.") I did, in fact, think this choice through before I took the plunge. I can't help it at this point (the thinking through, that is).

But I am in favor of a thousand flowers blooming, and more than one right answer, and all that. And for me and my family, I went for aesthetics. And I also find often that, unless one is very careful, gender-neutral parenting can turn easily into femmephobia. Which is why I often say I prefer gender-exuberant as a term, and a practice.

And why you will find my children occasionally wearing tutus on their head.



That's "Sparkle the Poodle," fyi.