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Feb. 15th, 2004 07:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pantryslutQuestions from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fattest:
1) As a queer woman in relationships with men, what kind of reactions do you get about your queer identity and how do you deal with them?
Well, I may have been turned down for a promotion once because of my relationship withimnotandrei, but in the long run that was probably for the best (and to be honest the bisexuality was probably just an excuse; I also heard that it was because I was fat).
Other than that -- well, I'm genderfucked and read as butch, and that seems to help a lot ("queer privilege?" :) ) Other queers seem to get it pretty quickly, although it will be interesting to see what happens now that I am involved with
*two* men. Just as I rarely meet people anymore who don't know I'm a sex writer, or kinky, or whatever, I rarely meet people who don't know I'm bi.
How do I deal with it? With straight people, I often fall back on, "if you imagine me as a boy, it makes more sense." Which is not quite right, but close enough. It hasn't been an issue in queer circles for so long, I'm not sure how I'd handle it; I'd probably ignore it.
I do remember enlightening one gal who assumed that because I date guys,
I must date *straight* guys -- when I told her otherwise, she was just floored. The bottom really dropped out of her worldview on bisexuality, you could tell. A whole new universe opened up for her. Good.
2) Describe your longest-standing current friendship.
That would be Heather, who lives in Chicago, and I met while working the table for the newly-founded University of Chicago Bisexual Union.
Heather is super-bright and easygoing and curious to a fault. She likes to hear all about my sexual adventures, and she likes to eat my food. I learned to cook in part by hanging out in the big industrial kitchen of the housing co-op she used to live in.
She and her partner Aaron also let me hide out in their apartment to write sometimes. We both love books and intellectual stuff, but she doesn't engage in that sneaky ego-laden intellectual style of debate that I hate -- we rarely reach solid conclusions in our discussions, but we sure do learn a lot.
Heather is also the one who said to me, "You seem to have a Mediterranean palate." She was right, but I hadn't thought of it that way before. Bless her forever for that tidbit of wisdom.
3) How has your life changed since moving from the midwest to the west coast?
I am so much happier out here! I get out a lot more, I have more friends, and frankly my head feels clearer -- I think, just before I moved, I was having a lot of angst about my gender and related issues, and when I came out here, there were so many people around me in more or less the same boat, that all of my angst suddenly dissolved. It was pretty profound.
I was also geographically isolated when I lived in the Midwest, even when I lived in Chicago. And I don't drive. You'd think that would be a bigger deal in California, but it's not.
On the other hand, there are less women who look like me out here -- I love going back to the Midwest and looking at all the fat women. They're everywhere, and they're so unselfconscious.
I think I could go back to the Midwest now and be happy in a way I wasn't before -- I could carry my lessons back with me -- but I'm not planning to!
4) What do you do to deal with depression?
I don't know! I try to remind myself that I've been here before and survived, and make it a point to drag myself out of the house (out of bed, actually) and into the world, because being with friends, human contact, really seems to help. And I take a lot of naps.
Knowing that I've been here before helps a lot. I was really stunned when I read over my old journals and discovered myself complaining about depression every January for four years in a row. Big light bulb! The next January, I was prepared.
5) What's one of your biggest fears?
This is a good question. I have a lot of social anxiety, which some people find hard to believe because I've done a lot of hard work to overcome it, and also because once you know me I never shut up. I wish I knew what I was afraid of in social situations, but I haven't been able to pin anything down. Exposure is the closest I can come. Exposure and vulnerability and loss of control.
fattest:1) As a queer woman in relationships with men, what kind of reactions do you get about your queer identity and how do you deal with them?
Well, I may have been turned down for a promotion once because of my relationship with
imnotandrei, but in the long run that was probably for the best (and to be honest the bisexuality was probably just an excuse; I also heard that it was because I was fat).Other than that -- well, I'm genderfucked and read as butch, and that seems to help a lot ("queer privilege?" :) ) Other queers seem to get it pretty quickly, although it will be interesting to see what happens now that I am involved with
*two* men. Just as I rarely meet people anymore who don't know I'm a sex writer, or kinky, or whatever, I rarely meet people who don't know I'm bi.
How do I deal with it? With straight people, I often fall back on, "if you imagine me as a boy, it makes more sense." Which is not quite right, but close enough. It hasn't been an issue in queer circles for so long, I'm not sure how I'd handle it; I'd probably ignore it.
I do remember enlightening one gal who assumed that because I date guys,
I must date *straight* guys -- when I told her otherwise, she was just floored. The bottom really dropped out of her worldview on bisexuality, you could tell. A whole new universe opened up for her. Good.
2) Describe your longest-standing current friendship.
That would be Heather, who lives in Chicago, and I met while working the table for the newly-founded University of Chicago Bisexual Union.
Heather is super-bright and easygoing and curious to a fault. She likes to hear all about my sexual adventures, and she likes to eat my food. I learned to cook in part by hanging out in the big industrial kitchen of the housing co-op she used to live in.
She and her partner Aaron also let me hide out in their apartment to write sometimes. We both love books and intellectual stuff, but she doesn't engage in that sneaky ego-laden intellectual style of debate that I hate -- we rarely reach solid conclusions in our discussions, but we sure do learn a lot.
Heather is also the one who said to me, "You seem to have a Mediterranean palate." She was right, but I hadn't thought of it that way before. Bless her forever for that tidbit of wisdom.
3) How has your life changed since moving from the midwest to the west coast?
I am so much happier out here! I get out a lot more, I have more friends, and frankly my head feels clearer -- I think, just before I moved, I was having a lot of angst about my gender and related issues, and when I came out here, there were so many people around me in more or less the same boat, that all of my angst suddenly dissolved. It was pretty profound.
I was also geographically isolated when I lived in the Midwest, even when I lived in Chicago. And I don't drive. You'd think that would be a bigger deal in California, but it's not.
On the other hand, there are less women who look like me out here -- I love going back to the Midwest and looking at all the fat women. They're everywhere, and they're so unselfconscious.
I think I could go back to the Midwest now and be happy in a way I wasn't before -- I could carry my lessons back with me -- but I'm not planning to!
4) What do you do to deal with depression?
I don't know! I try to remind myself that I've been here before and survived, and make it a point to drag myself out of the house (out of bed, actually) and into the world, because being with friends, human contact, really seems to help. And I take a lot of naps.
Knowing that I've been here before helps a lot. I was really stunned when I read over my old journals and discovered myself complaining about depression every January for four years in a row. Big light bulb! The next January, I was prepared.
5) What's one of your biggest fears?
This is a good question. I have a lot of social anxiety, which some people find hard to believe because I've done a lot of hard work to overcome it, and also because once you know me I never shut up. I wish I knew what I was afraid of in social situations, but I haven't been able to pin anything down. Exposure is the closest I can come. Exposure and vulnerability and loss of control.
