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Hate Fuck Follow-Up
Mar. 10th, 2007 09:53 am0. Thank you, everyone, for your answers and insights.
1. I asked the question the way I did because, while I've encountered various definitions, and while it seems possible to me that a female-bodied person could, in theory, have consensual sex with someone they were sexually attracted to but personally loathed, and call that a "hate fuck," I have only ever heard the term used by male-bodied and -identified people, increasingly in the form of "I would like to hate-fuck [x]." To me, that sounds *just* like saying "I would like to fuck [x] whether she wants to or not," which sounds exactly like saying "I would like to rape [x]" to me. If you see what I mean. In other words, to me, it is beginning to sound like, at least sometimes, a rhetorical trick to get around using the R-word.
2. On the other hand, porn provides a very nice venue in which to witness events which are akin if not synonymous with hate-fucking. I remember one scene in a disc I was reviewing where the two participants get into an argument, and then proceed to have sex while still arguing. They finish the scene still angry at each other. I never understood why this was supposed to be a turn-on to watch. Also, since these participants were acting, I couldn't tell if it was genuine or feigned dislike fueling the scene. Either way, it made my skin crawl. P.S. There is also a whole porn series, very popular, called Grudgefuck. I haven't seen it. P.P.S. I guess I can see its dramatic potential in other contexts, too, but, I just, I dunno.
3. All of which makes me feel terribly pollyannaish sometimes. I cannot really imagine enjoying consensual sex with someone I dislike that much. I cannot imagine being even nominally sexually attracted to someone I really strongly disliked (although I have heard compelling stories from other people about simultaneous attraction/repulsion situations). And the thought of someone enacting such a thing upon me makes me literally nauseous. Which is weird, if you think about other fantasies I have had (and written about). And also I know that, as![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
adrian_turtle said so aptly (and I am about to paraphrase so poorly), there are realms of fucked-up relationship interactions that do involve consent. But, dang, it's hard to even keep in my head why anyone would bother to have sex with someone they honestly felt those specific sorts of strong negative feelings for.
4. In my head, though, I have engaged in many fantasies that are akin to the "hate fuck" scenario. Except that they usually involve the word "no" and subsequent physical abuse (meted out by me, in case you were wondering the top v. bottom dynamic here) directed at other people's erogenous zones. Somehow, these scenarios are much more satisfying. Confidential P.S. toblack_pearl_10: this is what I was referring to the other day when you were going to the shower and I said "it's more complicated than that."
5. Required disclaimer: YKIOK. Your fantasies doubly so.
1. I asked the question the way I did because, while I've encountered various definitions, and while it seems possible to me that a female-bodied person could, in theory, have consensual sex with someone they were sexually attracted to but personally loathed, and call that a "hate fuck," I have only ever heard the term used by male-bodied and -identified people, increasingly in the form of "I would like to hate-fuck [x]." To me, that sounds *just* like saying "I would like to fuck [x] whether she wants to or not," which sounds exactly like saying "I would like to rape [x]" to me. If you see what I mean. In other words, to me, it is beginning to sound like, at least sometimes, a rhetorical trick to get around using the R-word.
2. On the other hand, porn provides a very nice venue in which to witness events which are akin if not synonymous with hate-fucking. I remember one scene in a disc I was reviewing where the two participants get into an argument, and then proceed to have sex while still arguing. They finish the scene still angry at each other. I never understood why this was supposed to be a turn-on to watch. Also, since these participants were acting, I couldn't tell if it was genuine or feigned dislike fueling the scene. Either way, it made my skin crawl. P.S. There is also a whole porn series, very popular, called Grudgefuck. I haven't seen it. P.P.S. I guess I can see its dramatic potential in other contexts, too, but, I just, I dunno.
3. All of which makes me feel terribly pollyannaish sometimes. I cannot really imagine enjoying consensual sex with someone I dislike that much. I cannot imagine being even nominally sexually attracted to someone I really strongly disliked (although I have heard compelling stories from other people about simultaneous attraction/repulsion situations). And the thought of someone enacting such a thing upon me makes me literally nauseous. Which is weird, if you think about other fantasies I have had (and written about). And also I know that, as
adrian_turtle said so aptly (and I am about to paraphrase so poorly), there are realms of fucked-up relationship interactions that do involve consent. But, dang, it's hard to even keep in my head why anyone would bother to have sex with someone they honestly felt those specific sorts of strong negative feelings for. 4. In my head, though, I have engaged in many fantasies that are akin to the "hate fuck" scenario. Except that they usually involve the word "no" and subsequent physical abuse (meted out by me, in case you were wondering the top v. bottom dynamic here) directed at other people's erogenous zones. Somehow, these scenarios are much more satisfying. Confidential P.S. to
black_pearl_10: this is what I was referring to the other day when you were going to the shower and I said "it's more complicated than that."5. Required disclaimer: YKIOK. Your fantasies doubly so.
