thoughts on sluts
Jul. 27th, 2004 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pantryslutThe piece that horehound stillpoint read on Saturday night at PPO has had me thinking for days now.
His was a long meditation on his life as a slut, and what it means to be a slut. And part of it was an affirmation of self-esteem in the face of what other people think being a slut means. The only line I remember right now is "Being a slut does not mean I am not marriage material," but believe me when I say that was the least of what he was saying.
I see a lot of my slut-identified friends -- especially the women -- periodically go through the self-esteem slump that seems to come with that label sometimes. The old, negative meanings come crashing back, and they believe, if only for a moment, all that crap about being worthless. It seems like it happens to everyone. I was so glad to hear something that acknowledges that crash, confronted it, and moved on to something more complex, more real.
This is why I go to readings. This is why I continue to host them. For moments like this.
I am not actually slut-identified myself (though, y'know, slattern and strumpet and all those good words we were batting around the other day, maybe. Loose woman, definitely. Easy, you bet.). Probably because I hang out with way too many gay men of a certain stripe, and figure that if there is only one zero on the end of my tally of sexual partners, there's no way I can count myself as a member of that particular club. (Dore Alley on Sunday did nothing except help reinforce this impression.)
I know quantity isn't everything. But the fact is, I'm shy, too. I don't have the social skills of the slut. I say this with a bit of wistful envy. It's not that I'm a slut wannabe, either. It's more complicated than that.
Sometimes I think it's that I'm too selfish to be a slut. Sluts give of their time, their attention, as well as their bodies. They're more open, in so many senses, than I am. That openness has its hazards, but all the better to admire those who can successfully navigate such perils. Even if sometimes they get a little down about it.
His was a long meditation on his life as a slut, and what it means to be a slut. And part of it was an affirmation of self-esteem in the face of what other people think being a slut means. The only line I remember right now is "Being a slut does not mean I am not marriage material," but believe me when I say that was the least of what he was saying.
I see a lot of my slut-identified friends -- especially the women -- periodically go through the self-esteem slump that seems to come with that label sometimes. The old, negative meanings come crashing back, and they believe, if only for a moment, all that crap about being worthless. It seems like it happens to everyone. I was so glad to hear something that acknowledges that crash, confronted it, and moved on to something more complex, more real.
This is why I go to readings. This is why I continue to host them. For moments like this.
I am not actually slut-identified myself (though, y'know, slattern and strumpet and all those good words we were batting around the other day, maybe. Loose woman, definitely. Easy, you bet.). Probably because I hang out with way too many gay men of a certain stripe, and figure that if there is only one zero on the end of my tally of sexual partners, there's no way I can count myself as a member of that particular club. (Dore Alley on Sunday did nothing except help reinforce this impression.)
I know quantity isn't everything. But the fact is, I'm shy, too. I don't have the social skills of the slut. I say this with a bit of wistful envy. It's not that I'm a slut wannabe, either. It's more complicated than that.
Sometimes I think it's that I'm too selfish to be a slut. Sluts give of their time, their attention, as well as their bodies. They're more open, in so many senses, than I am. That openness has its hazards, but all the better to admire those who can successfully navigate such perils. Even if sometimes they get a little down about it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 12:18 pm (UTC)I'm not always sure what I said and didn't say, but I knew that one wasn't true. Because "slut" wasn't (and isn't) a word I use, and one of the reasons is that I never thought it was/should be an insult.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 02:10 pm (UTC)I love much and easy. I touch many, both physically, and I think emotionally, too. I've chosen to keep the sexual part mostly under wraps, though. It's far too exhausting as it is.