invisible part two

[pantryslut]

Part of it is a feedback thing. Writers don’t get a lot of feedback in the normal course of pursuing their art. She said understatedly.

Frankly, I think this is part of the appeal of spoken word for writers. The feedback from the audience is immediate and obvious. Alas, I am not a spoken word performer by nature. I am shy, and my stuff, while perfectly effective when read aloud, is not ideally suited for performance -- it tends toward the quiet and subtle and seeping-into-your-brain.

Rejection slips are a form of feedback; at least you know someone's read your stuff. This is why writers treasure those little scrawls that sometimes appear at the bottom of the form rejection. Sometimes, that's the most you'll ever hear about any given story.

This is why we join writer's groups. For feedback.

And, of course, contracts and checks and printed pages are feedback, too. When I was freelancing (more on this in a moment), I was writing for websites and magazines that had a pretty quick turnaround time, and there my words would be, visible and available, in just a few weeks at most. Anthologies and fiction magazines are much, much slower, and my gratification is definitely no longer instant.

Part of it is an identity thing. I didn’t mean to invest so much in my identity as a writer, but I did just spend five years doing nothing but writing and writing-related activities (proofreading, editing, etc.) for a living (or at least an occupation). And now I spend my days generating form letters instead. I think this transition had more of a psychological impact than I anticipated. The writing I was doing wasn’t particularly artistic or, much of the time, fulfilling, but it was writing – it made good practice, and definitely helped improve my craft. And I don’t really regret giving most of it up – I was burning out, and needed a change. But here at work, I am undercover. Deep stealth. And we all know how that can mess with your head.

Thank you all for your responses to my last post. It’s not that I feel unaccomplished, it’s that I feel keenly the “you’re only as good as your last…” pressure. And I got nothin’ in the pipeline at the moment.

That’ll change.

Comments

[charliegrrrl.livejournal.com]

I'm a huge fan of delayed gratification. I think it builds character. And I sort of think the reverse is true of instant gratification.

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

here! here! (or is it, "hear! hear!"?)

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

But I already have more than enough character, dammit! I got character in the bank, baby. I'm ready for some decadent, hedonistic, character-destroying activities. Let's burn through some character like the forests of Yolo County!

[charliegrrrl.livejournal.com]

You say that now. But wait until you run for president...

[desayunoencama.livejournal.com]

I think the feedback thing is important. And not just from readers, but from editors. I think there have been many changes, recently, in how publishing (and especially independent publishing) works, in the past half decade or so. Especially in the U.S. As a result, many of the editors I used to work with are no longer editing (in some cases, we are no longer working together for other reasons) but as a result, I don't have editors intereste din my writing in the same way I did a few years before these changes started to take place, and so I don't write/publish as much in the U.S. because I just cna't be bothered to write if there is no one interested in publishing. I think a lot of people are in a similar situation. To some degree, the outlets for publishing certain kinds of things has dried up for the moment. And books are not as important in certain circles, whereas once they were, which also feeds into this lack of feedback from readers. So there isn't as much feeling of community any longer. (while I don't get it as much from the former glbt community, I do still find it in SF, and also in the kidzbook field via scbwi.)

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Lack of feedback is one of the reasons writers sometimes get a little funny in the head. Luckily, most of us don't have access to thermonuclear devices. Instead we post to LiveJournal for instant feedback, or at least more rapid than writing a book, signing a contract, and finally getting some money.

Writing allows me to be invisible yet be heard. I have a powerful need for solitude, silence, privacy, and an equally powerful need to connect and communicate, often about issues most people never discuss. I get off-balance when I'm deprived of either end of the spectrum.