(no subject)
Jan. 29th, 2007 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pantryslutThank you, everyone, for your participation in my poll. Many of you provided some fascinating answers and insight.
Yes, I consider myself an underachiver. Sometimes I am OK with this and sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes I am clear and comfortable on the choices I have made to lead me to where I am now; sometime I feel like I'm lazy; sometimes I wonder how other people do it (caffeine, alcohol, and speed often seem to have a lot to do with it, unfortunately, when I look a little closer...); sometimes I remind myself of what I *do* do and what I *have* achieved, and sometimes that's enough, and sometimes it isn't.
I have some incredibly lazy habits. I am not saying this in judgment of myself. I'm saying it because it's true -- I realized some time ago that I was smart enough to get away with some things that other people can't, that I am a bad model for people who want to be organized and have all their ducks in a row. I can *get* my ducks in a row in record time -- this is why I am an excellent resource in a crisis -- but I usually don't bother unless I have to.
I also have some very efficient coping habits. I cut to the chase. This I do whether I have to or not :)
Yes, some of my underachieving feelings come from growing up markedly, noticeably smart. And smart in a lot of different areas, not just one. Which, over time, has left me a little scattered-feeling, unfocused. Like, if I had put all my eggs in one basket, I might have more to show for my time spent on this planet so far. I might I also know I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes (*wave*!). On my good days, I know/remember that I have never *wanted* to be that way. It's boring.
Also on my good days, I recognize that I have achieved a lot, actually. But a lot of it has been collaborative, a lot of it I haven't signed. I haven't wanted to sign it, put my name on it. I don't need that particular ego boost, really. A good example is PPO -- I hate emceeing, so Carol and Simon do it for me, and this leaves me invisible sometimes. Lots of people in my life think I don't get enough credit for what I do, sometimes. Sometimes they're right. Most of the time, I'm OK with that.
Most of the time.
And then sometimes, I fool myself into believing in my own invisibility.
I have no particular ideas about my place in the world or my responsibility to it. I am here to get through this life, enjoy it as much as possible, and try to leave it a better place than I found it, insofar as it is within my power to do so. I don't have some bigger (egotistical?) idea of myself. I am a person with talents, and aren't we all.
I have no particular idea about my place in the world or my responsibility to it, but I have high expectations of myself. I expect to do well at whatever I choose to do. This is because, usually, I *am* good at whatever I choose to do. Many things come easily to me. I am spoiled by this. I know it.
So, I am trying to learn to live with this feeling without letting it erode something important in myself.
I am trying to learn how to try, without worrying about the outcome. Try without succeeding. Try and try and try for the sake of trying something. Process, not result. Process. Not result.
Yes, I consider myself an underachiver. Sometimes I am OK with this and sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes I am clear and comfortable on the choices I have made to lead me to where I am now; sometime I feel like I'm lazy; sometimes I wonder how other people do it (caffeine, alcohol, and speed often seem to have a lot to do with it, unfortunately, when I look a little closer...); sometimes I remind myself of what I *do* do and what I *have* achieved, and sometimes that's enough, and sometimes it isn't.
I have some incredibly lazy habits. I am not saying this in judgment of myself. I'm saying it because it's true -- I realized some time ago that I was smart enough to get away with some things that other people can't, that I am a bad model for people who want to be organized and have all their ducks in a row. I can *get* my ducks in a row in record time -- this is why I am an excellent resource in a crisis -- but I usually don't bother unless I have to.
I also have some very efficient coping habits. I cut to the chase. This I do whether I have to or not :)
Yes, some of my underachieving feelings come from growing up markedly, noticeably smart. And smart in a lot of different areas, not just one. Which, over time, has left me a little scattered-feeling, unfocused. Like, if I had put all my eggs in one basket, I might have more to show for my time spent on this planet so far. I might I also know I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes (*wave*!). On my good days, I know/remember that I have never *wanted* to be that way. It's boring.
Also on my good days, I recognize that I have achieved a lot, actually. But a lot of it has been collaborative, a lot of it I haven't signed. I haven't wanted to sign it, put my name on it. I don't need that particular ego boost, really. A good example is PPO -- I hate emceeing, so Carol and Simon do it for me, and this leaves me invisible sometimes. Lots of people in my life think I don't get enough credit for what I do, sometimes. Sometimes they're right. Most of the time, I'm OK with that.
Most of the time.
And then sometimes, I fool myself into believing in my own invisibility.
I have no particular ideas about my place in the world or my responsibility to it. I am here to get through this life, enjoy it as much as possible, and try to leave it a better place than I found it, insofar as it is within my power to do so. I don't have some bigger (egotistical?) idea of myself. I am a person with talents, and aren't we all.
I have no particular idea about my place in the world or my responsibility to it, but I have high expectations of myself. I expect to do well at whatever I choose to do. This is because, usually, I *am* good at whatever I choose to do. Many things come easily to me. I am spoiled by this. I know it.
So, I am trying to learn to live with this feeling without letting it erode something important in myself.
I am trying to learn how to try, without worrying about the outcome. Try without succeeding. Try and try and try for the sake of trying something. Process, not result. Process. Not result.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
*waves hand*
Date: 2007-01-30 07:08 pm (UTC)This article offers perspectives on time management from the highly successful. Probably just what you *don't* want to read, but if you get one or two good ideas from this, why not?
http://www.fastcompany.com/online/29/one.html
--Bill
P.S. Dumb puns dep't: In this post reply, I'm using a picture taken from the balcony at a Hawaiian time-share.
P.P.S. Oh, and here's a picture of my workspace nowadays. Better, eh?
http://litboy.typepad.com/photos/0701hawaii/070121mydesk.jpg
Re: *waves hand*
Date: 2007-01-30 07:50 pm (UTC)