Keys to Praising Lori

[pantryslut]

First, the obligatory disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone who has praised or complimented me lately. This is also not a criticism of anyone in any way. I accept all compliments and I try to do so with grace. (I may not always succeed...) Some I just take closer to heart than others. If you want an idea of how to get closer to my heart, here's how:

1. Say something other than "you'll do a good job." I know that. In fact, if push comes to shove, I will probably do a good job at the expense of my stamina and sanity. Tell me instead, for example, that I will still be sane at the end of it and it will be fun and rewarding in the meanwhile.

2. I like specifics. Especially when it comes to writing or performance, I like to know what works so I can do it again.

3. Also, if I ask, "why do you say that?" it means I'm really paying attention and taking you seriously.

4. I am suspicious of hyperbole and flattery. This comes from being a smart fat girl with big tits. (Really. How do you think creepy older men try to pick up smart fat chicks with big tits? "You're so smart. And so pretty. Can I touch them?" Uh huh.)

5. I think the greatest compliment may always be, "I missed you" or some variant. "I'd like to see you." "It was lovely spending time with you."

Anyone want to add any observations from experience?

Comments

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

You can be as suspicious as you like, but I will still flatter you. In specific ways, of course. ;)

(I *like* to give people compliments. It feels like giving them presents for no reason, and I like to do that, too.)

[irontongue.livejournal.com]

I am suspicious myself of hyperbolic praise or anything that seems like gush, or very unspecific praise. I just don't _trust_ it. Partly, I'm pretty critical of my own work, and to me gush means the gusher isn't paying attention to the details. Partly, I think I've heard too much gush from my mother. I prefer praise that has some perspective and is specific.

An example: I'm still rolling my eyes at something a gushy jujitsu teacher did in the 1980s, fortunately not to me. The class was doing rolls and falls, which we all did together in rank order, two at a time, going down a line. A beginning student who'd only started a class or two before did a roll, and this teacher said, with huge enthusiasm, "That was perfect! Great!" The thing is, it was a good roll for a beginner, but it was NOT perfect. There were five helpful things the teacher could have said - "you stayed very round," "good getting up to your feet," etc. and added "next time, see if you can [some possible improvement here]." Or even left out that last bit.