Sex and Pregnancy Answers (Round 1)

[pantryslut]

Rather than quote the actual questions here (you can see them at the original post), I've grouped things together into topics and restated the questions to help organize the material a little bit. If you feel you've been misquoted, or I missed the point, or I've forgotten you, just holler.



I didn't know you could have penetrative sex while pregnant in the first place, at least safely. How long is it safe? Are there any restrictions at all?

Basically, as long as the cervix is closed, penetrative sex (penis, dildo, hand/fingers...) is OK. Right up until labor begins. Yup.

If the cervix is "incompetent" (weakened, dilated early), doctors will say "no sex," which really means "no penetrative sex."

If someone is having early labor signs, they will also say "no sex," by which they mean "no orgasms," because they're worried that the orgasms will stimulate the start of contractions.

If someone is spotting or has a history of early miscarriage, doctors might say "no sex," and it's not always clear whether they mean "no penetration" or "no orgasms."

Short anatomy lesson here: the cervix separates the uterus from the vagina. The cervix is almost always closed (undilated), pregnant or not. Penetrative sex while pregnant doesn't involve any direct contact with any surfaces or structures that weren't there pre-pregnancy.

And past the cervix, the fetus (or plural fetuses, in my case) are encased in their own amniotic sac within the uterus, like little water balloons. So even if something (like, uh, semen) made it past the cervix somehow, it would just encounter a closed amniotic sac (or two).



What about positions? Are some more or less comfortable than before?

At the moment, really only lying on my stomach is out, and I rarely had sex flat on my stomach. So not much has changed so far. Lying on my side is quite attractive, though, and I suspect will be more so as time goes on.

Please don't ask me to bend over and grab my ankles, either.



Has your sex drive changed? How about your preferences for certain kinds of sex?

In the first trimester, I felt massively cuddly. I was perfectly satisfied with slow, low-impact sex full of touching and caressing and spooning and all that. it was kind of weird...

And then around the advent of the second trimester, my sex drive started spiking, and might now be higher than normal. Which is scary, because my "normal" was already kinda high.

I've felt more toppish than usual lately as well, but it's hard to tell if that's actually linked to pregnancy or just normal variation.

I am just as happy with the idea of rough sex from the bottom as I was before, too, but other folks in my life understandably hesitate on that point more than I.

I did discover that, thanks to hydration and/or low blood pressure issues, I get dizzy quickly when excited...foo.

I expect gender play issues to surface soon as my belly gets bigger, but right now, I still feel perfectly competent in a male-flavored sexual role.

I've been a little less keen on anal penetration due to unfortunate pregnancy-related variations in my lower digestive processes. It just feels uncomfortable a lot of the time. I miss it, though, and external stimulation is still very nice.

Oh yeah. Breast play needs to be a lot gentler than what I used to be able to handle. OMG, my nipples are so sensitive! I enjoy having them touched, still, but not manhandled. A little stimulation now goes a long way.



I hear your orgasms are different.

Yes. It's kind of hard to describe. It feels sometimes more diffuse, and I can tell that the muscles are working differently. It sometimes feels like I'm coming "around" something that wasn't there before, even though that doesn't quite make sense anatomically speaking.

As a result, the feeling can be more diffuse, for lack of a better word. Not as in weaker, but just more spread out.

Also, for a while I almost stopped ejaculating entirely. That seems to have come back recently, though.



Do the babies react in any way to your having sex? How?

I haven't felt the babies move yet (well, maybe just last night, for a flicker), so I have no idea. We'll see!


And I think that about covers it! If you have more questions, go ahead and ask below.

Comments

[serazin.livejournal.com]

There was a point when I was pregnant when my clit seemed to swell up massively and I felt totally different sensation in it than I had before. Then it went back to normal!

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

Curious: were you pregnant with a boy?

[serazin.livejournal.com]

Girl.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Interesting!

Me, I've definitely felt like *everything* down there is more congested -- in a good way.

[mckennl.livejournal.com]

Wow, I didn't know that about the penetrative sex vs. orgasms vis a vis "no sex." Very interesting.

Now I have a question -- how do you think you will react if the babies react to you having sex? Is it weird to be having sex "in front" of them? Or nice? I mean that's how they got started....

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I obviously can't say for sure until it happens, but I don't think I'll be weirded out. I mean, any more than I will be weirded out by the fact that they're moving around in the first place...

[charleshaynes.livejournal.com]

There are people who think you can't/shouldn't have penetrative sex during pregnancy? Wow. I'm boggled.

Fisting a pregnant woman was interesting... the "notch" in the pubic bone where her pelvic cartilage had softened was kind of cool.

Oh sorry "perineal massage."

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

I was also boggled by that.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

Thanks for clarifying what the docs mean by "no sex". Sometimes it's one thing, and sometimes another.

I was interested in what happened to your sex drive during pregnancy, but you have already answered that.

How about this one: are there friends who have pregnancy fetishes who are extra-interested these days? If so, is that fun or not-fun?

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I have one friend (hi!), and I've known about their propensity and interest for a long time, so it's fine. If people were suddenly coming out of the closet to me with their pregnancy fetishes, though, I might be weirded out. But so far, they're not.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

It has amused me for a long time that doctors frequently prescribe orgasm when contractions and labor are delayed longer than they think is ideal.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

As for breast play, when I was pregnant was the only time I've ever experienced a normal water shower as painful on my breasts.

[jean-roberta.livejournal.com]

If your sex life is still going strong, more power to you.

Back in 1977, when I was expecting my daughter (not exactly her, of course - just expecting a large baby), her dad was squeamish about whether penetrative sex is "supposed" to happen during pregnancy. That question was answered when I was about 4 + months along & we couldn't find a painless (for me) way to do it - tried every position we could think of. Nothing worked, so we gave up.

HOWEVER, I was climbing walls while 9 months along, on the day I was due - managed to frig myself to an amazing orgasm which sent me into well-timed labor.

No one had told me this could happen. I was using my mom's old guide to pregnancy & childbirth, published in 1940, which warned that [insert spooky music] Venereal Disease could be picked up from a toilet seat. I kid you not.

Anyone who wants to see my story about this episode is welcome to it. It's prob. not highly publishable. :)

[sfgabe.livejournal.com]

"I've felt more toppish than usual lately as well, but it's hard to tell if that's actually linked to pregnancy or just normal variation."
judging by my mother, you might just be preparing for parenthood. ;)

also, thank you for the honest answers, it's really interesting.

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

Also, for a while I almost stopped ejaculating entirely. That seems to have come back recently, though.

I didn't know you did that too, but it makes all kinds of sense. Do you get messy enough to need absorbent and/or waterproof things underneath? (This is a 2-part question. Part II depends on your answer to Part I.)

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. ("Ejaculate" being perhaps a misnomer; I don't squirt, I flood.)

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

(You should know as well as anybody that lots of guys dribble more than shoot, and nobody tells *them* that "ejaculation" is a misnomer.)

So - Part II of the question is how do you deal with the mess?

For me, whether it's squirt or flood depends a lot on the physical setting: on my belly? on my back? in a sling [with legs spread wide], with a vibe against my labia? etc. But there's always a lot of liquid to deal with, regardless, even if some of it does end up on my date's face and clothes, the wall, etc. And I've learned that the best thing for it is.... a waterproof crib liner. With a towel over it. And some spare towels around, beside.

(There are other ways to get the waterproofness in that size, such as a non-disposable chuck (hugely thick to fold up) or a disposable one (disposable is evil) but this is the best solution I've found. And little little airplanes add to the sex-time fun. When I can't find the waterproof, I find that a many-times-folded sheet with a towel over does a remarkable job as well.)

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Each of the mattresses in the house has a waterproof liner. That's step one. Step two is to put a towel down. Step three is to change the sheets often :)

I try to remember to bring a towel when I go to parties and such.

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

I dislike a damp sheet under me, so I use the "portable" waterproof at home. I learned the hard way that towels (good for absorbency) will wick the flood right thru to the bed.

And of course I always bring it with me when I have dates away from home. I usually rely on my host to provide a towel, but I figure, I know I make messes; it's my job to deal with that.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

If the towel is thick enough and folded over once, it usually does the job for me. *Usually*.

[badgerbag.livejournal.com]

*fascinated attention*

Flood is a really good description of it! For me at least!

[slfisher.livejournal.com]

My husband was uneasy about having penetrative sex when I was pregnant because, of course, he viewed himself as So Manfully Massive that it would hurt the baby. I said, what, you think she's going to come out with dents on her head or something? and he got over it.

I don't typically ejaculate but when I was pregnant, I ejaculated all the time.

And I am with you on the annoyance at medical people who say "No sex." Okay, what does that *mean*? and I kept insisting to them that they be specific.