Fat Thoughts

[pantryslut]

This is not actually in response to any one post. But I need to get some things off my chest.

1) Sometimes I am very glad that I was never pretty and never skinny -- and never shamed by my family for being fat and plain. I am fat. I am plain. These are just facts, and they have always been so, and so I have lost nothing over the years and gained a lot of perspective. In some ways it was easy for me to walk away from striving to meet any sort of beauty ideal, because I knew it would be a waste of time and would just annoy the pig. Pun in cheek. Oink. This is, I suppose, a strange sort of privilege, and it's one of the things that makes me feel most like an alien when dealing with other people.

2) Nonetheless, I struggle on and off with my self-image, too, and I get discouraged about things related to visual presentation. I've been passed up for stuff, careery stuff, because I'm fat and plain. I've been publicly slagged for being fat and plain and having the audacity to be sexual anyway, to not be repulsed by myself. I just don't talk about any of this much, and I take extra care to remind myself that I'm not really the problem here, I'm just caught in a rigged game. I find as many ways as I can to just not play, and instead to love my body as I find it now. The point being: I practice. It takes practice -- and sometimes I get out of practice, as with anything, but I keep at it, because it's really a keystone of my self-care.

3) It's your body, do what you like with it.

4) Yes, "extra" weight is correlated with certain health risks. So is being fair-skinned, tall, and left-handed, to pick an arbitrary handful of examples. We don't try to change the latter, though, do we? We don't expect patients to do so before we attempt other approaches. That's what Health At Every Size is really about in a nutshell.

5) I'm sorry you're hurting. I usually find myself at a loss for more words than that because of the above. What I want to say, what I really mean, is: I am sorry you're hurting yourself and I love you and I wish you would stop. I wish I could help you figure out how.

I am sorry you are hurting.

Comments

[ritaxis.livejournal.com]

I think never having been pretty was an advantage for me, also. Although I have other messed-up self-esteem issues that I have to deal with.

[debbieann.livejournal.com]

>I'm not really the problem here, I'm just caught in a rigged game. I find as many ways as I can to just not play, and instead to love my body as I find it now. The point being: I practice. It takes practice -- and sometimes I get out of practice, as with anything, but I keep at it, because it's really a keystone of my self-care.


yes, yes, yes. so true.

[ginoushka.livejournal.com]

It's interesting for me to see you describe yourself as plain. I've never thought of you as plain.

Also, I love this post. Thank you.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

There's a gender aspect to it as well, for sure.

[hhholiday.livejournal.com]

i was thinking this, too.

[hhholiday.livejournal.com]

also, you're the second or third person in my world to write such a thing recently, and i cannot help but wonder who/what you are writing about...

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Of course, we did used to try to change left-handedness. Bodies, they get no respect. :(

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Yup.

[susanstinson.livejournal.com]

There's something about this post that speaks to me so strongly, with its directness. It's beautiful.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

Thanks for writing this. Some conventional kinds of "beauty" practices make me deeply uncomfortable, and when people try to push them on me, I feel like they're telling me I'm ugly, and that hurts my feelings. Best to not play the game.

On the other hand, if we could get a piece of that $700 cosmetic market, wouldn't that be lovely?

[bunnybutt.livejournal.com]

Thank you, from another member of the fat & plain contingent.

[garnetlocks.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure anything could be done about being fair-skinned, tall, or left-handed without causing even more problems due to drastic "treatment," though (I think) I get your point.

I do love the rest of the post, especially that bit in 1 about not trying to meet some beauty ideal. I think the people I've always been most attracted to have more or less walked away from them to do their own thing.

[charleshaynes.livejournal.com]

Not denying your reality, but I think you're hot.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

There's space for that in my reality :)

[sparklydevil.livejournal.com]

I've never been able to feel thin enough or pretty enough. It used to be a constant struggle, now it's just a naggle in back of my brain, but it's still there.

I have a blog post kicking around in my head about how I've never known what it's like to eat without guilt or remorse. I simply can't comprehend the act of eating a desert, enjoying it, and not feeling guilty or bad. I first thought about it while watching my husband unabashedly eat & enjoy chocolate. I've never known that feeling.