pantryslut

I had a short talk today with the preschool teachers about Simone's declarations of gender and how they should handle that. To their everlasting credit, they wanted specifically to know how we handled it so that they could mirror it at school. Apparently the occasion was a series of arguments Simone had today with other, older kids about whether she was really a boy -- culminating in an "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" session in the bathroom.

I told the teacher that we basically reflect back whatever she tells us about her identity, so we say "yes, she's a boy" and then field questions a la my previous post. And I added that we usually say that what's in your pants doesn't matter and should stay private. They all have communal bathrooms, though, so I doubt that last one will stick much.

I also talked to Simone after school in an attempt to arm her with more vocabulary and tactics. I told her that her parents and sister and Shayna all understand that she's a boy every day and that we knew that you didn't need a penis to be a boy -- in fact we know some boys who don't have penises. But other people -- especially other kids, I emphasized -- don't always know that and they can get confused. So she might try telling those people she was a boy-girl and see if it helped them to understand. She didn't have to, but she could try it. We would still know she was just a boy.

"So I could be both!" she said brightly. "I am a boy and I am a boy-girl!"

"Yes!" I said. "Sort of like how I can be a girl and a boy-girl." And then we walked down the hill for some ice cream.

Also reiterated clearly: she is my daughter, she prefers "she," she is April's brother (and wants to be the only brother! No, April, you can't be a brother too, not even for pretend! My reply: tough.). OK then.