(no subject)

[pantryslut]

I am apparently too ragey to compose a non-profanity-laced dismemberment of what I have come to call "the attractiveness defense" but which I should really call "the creep defense." That is, the argument that an attractive guy can get away with flirtatious behavior that would get an unattractive guy labeled a creep, and that therefore calling out creepiness is really just discrimination against less-handsome dudes and/or there's a hypocritical double standard here that allows us to toss out the entire discussion of men's creepy behavior, period.

So if anyone could point me toward or write me up such a rebuttal, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

ETA:: Well, there is always "I am Not a Puzzle Box."

Comments

[delux_vivens]

the only rebuttal that comes to mind for me is "that's some stupid ass shit" but... i dont know how well that will work.

[zevinboots]

Creepiness happens when you don't respect the ladder of flirtation. Everybody has to follow the same rules: Start at the bottom rung. Back off as soon as the other person stops escalating.

So, yeah, maybe attractive people get to go further more of the time, because more people are attracted to them, but that has nothing to do with what makes things creepy.

[lucia]

"So, yeah, maybe attractive people get to go further more of the time, because more people are attracted to them, but that has nothing to do with what makes things creepy."

That's my line of thinking on this, too.

When people try to argue that attractive people get away with being creepy, I sometimes have mentioned that in my life, the person who most seriously crossed my boundaries was also the person who was completely and totally my ideal match in terms of physical attractiveness.

She was very sexy, which disguised her creepiness from me at first, but did not even slightly diminish the severity of that creepiness. True, if she hadn't been so hot, I might have thought she was creepy right from the start and maybe we never would have dated. Instead, she got away with being creepy long enough for things to get really ugly and complicated for both of us. As soon as I finally saw what was happening, once I glimpsed what was underneath her veneer of attractiveness, that relationship went up in flames. Bridges were burned. Everybody involved got pretty badly hurt in the process.

Maybe attractive people do "get away with" violating people's boundaries more often than non-attractive people do, but that isn't, by any means, a good thing.

[lucia]

So if someone tried to make the argument that an attractive guy can get away with behavior that would get an unattractive guy labeled a creep, I think my response might be along the lines of this (trigger warning):

"It sounds like you're saying 'It's so sad that sexy people get away with creepy behavior more often than unsexy people do! It's unfair that the hotter someone is, the more boundaries they can violate! Unattractive people have the right to be rapists too! You spoilsport; why won't you let ugly people have any rapey fun?' That's what I hear from your argument. Do you really want to advocate on the side of the creeps, rapists, and abusers?"