(no subject)

[pantryslut]

This is a game for writers and non-writers alike:

You know how all too often, the bio note on the back flap of an author's book includes some reciation of all the odd jobs they've held down in their life? Like, "Mr. Alejandro has worked as a private pet investigator, horse scrubber, and lint dissector. He lives in Toronto." It always sounds to me like they're taking weird pride in their weird jobs, like they've earned an obscure merit badge or something.

So, what is the most "writerly" job you've ever had?

I'll start: I was a phone psychic.*


Addendum: As I said in the comments to beckastar, I definitely do not want to limit this exercise to the writers of my acquaintance. *Everyone* deserves to have a bio note full of their quirky jobs. What would yours say?




*Phone sex was such a step up, believe me.

Comments

the full list of quirky

[cindymonkey.livejournal.com]

park ranger, accountant, dog grooming assistant, landscaper, music seller, editorial assistant, editor in chief, pop culture critic, concessionaire, Fetish fashion seller, corset lacer, and the very boring admin cog

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i got paid to take needles out of people.

(i worked at a plasma alliance for several months...)

[beckastar.livejournal.com]

I'm not a "writer" in the sense that many of you are, but I was a phone psychic as well. It ... sucked.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I most definitely don't want to confine this question to writers (or "writers"). Everyone is entitled to a bio note full of their quirky jobs.

[beckastar.livejournal.com]

heh, well in that case - i was a psychic, a stripper, an (ahem) "intern" (not in the monica lewinsky sense, but in the "live in the bosses attic and make seven bucks an hour" sense), and while in New Orleans I worked as a retail whore for the head of the order of Witchcraft in Louisiana.

[imnotandrei.livejournal.com]

Either cataloging wills in a bank vault, or reassembling shredded checks.

I fear nothing I've done since then has been half so writerly....

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I think being a snake wrangleris better than reassembling shredded checks.

[firebirdgrrl.livejournal.com]

You were a psychic too? I was...for Miss Cleo! (and yes, phone sex is a step up.)

let's see...graduate student, rare books cataloger, grimoire filer (kind of goes with the rare books), phone sex operator, first-year composition teacher, alt-porn model,appeared on Real Sex, phone sex operator....

ah, who am I kidding? My resume isn't that weird.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Miss Cleo? Wow! I can't even remember who I psychicked for.

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

interesting. i made a list of my past jobs a few weeks ago:

personal assistant to a stylist (this meant everything from keeping her books to cleaning her toilet. hurray!)

brat, er, babysitter

math tutor (like i'm good at math, but whatever)

server/prep cook in the college dining hall

clerk at a record store

day camp counselor

barista

clothing store clerk

smoothie-slinger at smoothie king (jon secada is a cheapskate who never tips.)

anti-oppression workshop facilitator

computer instructor for homeless folks in the mission

admin monkey (many, many times!)

waitress

waitress, cocktail (remind me to tell you about the professor from the philippines who asked how much i "cost.")

bartender (revenge at last! mwuahahahaha)

coatcheck girl

university IT girl (doing Y2K database stuff like i knew what i was doing.)

telephone survey jockey

receptionist

project coordinator at a translation company

b2b telemarketer

retail clerk selling ugly art, incense, & yoga books to noe valley moms and hippies in the haight

localization coordinator at a biotech company (kill me NOW, please.)

localization coordinator and now assistant producer at a video game company

[gerardp.livejournal.com]

I've worked on an assembly line buffing and cleaning metal jewelry parts ... as an artist's model, as a vocal reader of "Books for the Blind" ... picking strawberries, corn, and other fruit and vegetables ... at an arcade/nightclub (complete with women wrestling in jello as just one of the nighttime entertainment "features") ... oh, I'm sure I could think of other things I've done but am forgetting or blocking ... those are just the weird or "different" jobs ... nevermind the mind-numbling, soul-sucking stuff I currently do for a living.

[felicks.livejournal.com]

I think you're a contender for best variety...

[cheekytubemouse.livejournal.com]

Hrm. I think it's a three-way tie between telemarketing, sewing the plastic "popsicle sticks" into those big black back braces, and silk screening sports logos onto "activewear." (Ironically, I held all of those jobs while I was living in the midwest.)

[gramina.livejournal.com]

Huh. I think maybe I'm disqualified from becoming a writer....! :)

I have...

• babysat


• worked in an ice cream store


• worked in a pizza parlor


• sold coupon books over the phone


• monitored a dorm lobby


• cleaned houses (housepet, stop snickering!*g*)


• been a home health aide


• been a receptionist


• been a switchboard operator


• done data entry


• been a secretary (I'm much better at housecleaning, actually!)


• documented pretty much anything that would hold still long enough to be described


• done minor Oracle SysAdmin chores


• developed new processes, policies, and procedures

I think that's about it, in terms of paying jobs. I suppose if I really want something quirky for a back-cover, I could add

• research bondage dummy
• gardener
• cat herder
• private librarian
• snail-picker
• jam and marmelade chef
• and, of course, what I really am --
  • theologian
  • lover
  • connector-of-things

[tgeller.livejournal.com]

Answering this question was actually one of my first posts to LJ (http://www.livejournal.com/users/tgeller/6085.html). To review:

• Bagel maker at a cheese shop
  
• Singing balloon delivery person in Cincinnati, at least once in a chicken outfit
  
• Page-layout guy at the World Esperanto Association (http://www.uea.org) in The Netherlands
  
• Singing waiter at a dinner theater in Florida
  
• New York cab driver (suburbs, not city)
  
• Performer with a Balkan-style folk/fusion band in Branson, Missouri
  
• Theater technician at an amusement park near Buffalo, New York
  
• Data entry on a TRS-80!!! (Hey, it was 1982.)
• Paperboy
  

great question.

[stopword.livejournal.com]

Man, I don't think I can top any of these. Here's what I got:

During the graveyard shift at a hospital, I delivered cadaver eyes in styrofoam coolers to the pathology department.

Librarianing is a constant thread in my career, but at MSU I used to search for missing books and bust public masturbators.

Worked as a lowly admin for a crooked janitorial contracting firm. That was my most stressful job, I had to impersonate their quality-of-work references on the special phone line. I am the worst liar ever.

Re: great question.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I think the cadaver eyes thing is definitely a contender. Not that this is a competition or anything. But -- ew! Cool! Ew!

[felicks.livejournal.com]

I've always wanted to publish a book so I could write just this kind of bio:

Felix has worked as a medical model, an art model, a telemarketer, a midwife, a bookkeeper, a prep-cook, a collective member of a natural food store, an editor, and as Santa Claus.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

cheesemonger, photo lab tech, house painter, temp, bus cleaner for the Green Tortoise

[felicks.livejournal.com]

Bus cleaner for Green Tortoise? Ewwwwwww!!!!!!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

oh, you don't even know....

except I would find unmarked drugs and give them to my more adventurous friends. It's on my list of things to write about.

[rgay.livejournal.com]

I've been a phone sex operator, porn store clerk, student loan consolidations representative, corporate trainer and rehabilitation specialist.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Looking at this makes me feel like such a square, all I've ever done to make a living has been programming of some sort or another.

[black-pearl-10.livejournal.com]

Pizza delivery driver (twice), tutor for minority engineering students, nanny, manufacturing engineer for assembly, assistant toy department production coordinator for the same fetish fashion seller that cindymonkey worked for. :)

and oh yeah...

actress/model

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Actress/model/pizza delivery driver just doesn't have the same ring, does it?

[black-pearl-10.livejournal.com]

Although it's probably true for a lot of people in LA.

Here it's actress/model/future dot com layoff victim.

[katasutra.livejournal.com]

I had a tai-chi intstructor who would go over his list of paid jobs, and it had the same crazy, somewhat random feel you're describing, nadinelet. I loved the idea of being able to recite such a list of past employments/experiences, and determined that I would have the same sort of work life.

Sadly, mine's not all that interesting yet -- my list would include: library courier, domestic violence advocate, phone book deliverer, general office maintenance temp, soup restaurant prep cook & counter server, HyperCard instructor/tutor, tech support, network student intern type (generally following the network maintenance folks around on campus and trying to look like i knew what they were doing)...

[manomano.livejournal.com]

Mr. Marks has worked doing data entry at a rape crisis center, cleaning up tumbleweeds on the grounds of Grant State Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane, taught English in Budapest, and led workshops on male sexual victimization. In his spare time, he watches about 5 minutes of TV and goes to bed. He is an occasional contributor to other people's LiveJournals.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

In his spare time, he watches about 5 minutes of TV and goes to bed.

I love this. I once included a similar line in a bio for Perverts Put Out: "In her spare time, she sleeps."

[manomano.livejournal.com]

Now, if I had written what I did for the last 5 years or so, it would be boring.