a realization
Jan. 30th, 2007 03:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pantryslutI said something in my post about underachieving about how I expect to do well at whatever I do. I realized today that "does well" is strongly associated for me with "finds easy to do." Therefore, if it's not easy to do, it's not worth doing. Right?
You and I both know this is bullshit.
I counter it with what, I realized today, might look like pessimism. I think people close to me hear me demur about my abilities. My stated goals seem modest. Maybe it looks like I don't have confidence in myself. Maybe it sounds like I'm not giving myself enough credit.
Yeah. Feedback suggests that this might be what it looks like from the outside.
From the inside, though, it looks like this: I am trying to make a space in my head for doubt, for struggle, for regrouping, for trying new things without the assurance of success. Process, not result, remember?
You and I both know this is bullshit.
I counter it with what, I realized today, might look like pessimism. I think people close to me hear me demur about my abilities. My stated goals seem modest. Maybe it looks like I don't have confidence in myself. Maybe it sounds like I'm not giving myself enough credit.
Yeah. Feedback suggests that this might be what it looks like from the outside.
From the inside, though, it looks like this: I am trying to make a space in my head for doubt, for struggle, for regrouping, for trying new things without the assurance of success. Process, not result, remember?
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*snap* *snap* *snap*
Date: 2007-01-31 01:30 am (UTC)My $0.02, IMHO, FWIW, grain of salt, and other favorites from the Disclaimer Hit Parade:
- I think you have plenty of self-confidence.
- Likewise, I also think smart people are somewhat plagued by self-doubt.
So, as a solution, I like Goethe's take on this paradox:
- "We know accurately only when we know little; with knowledge doubt increases."
- "Doubt can only be removed by action."
My main problem in achieving, I recognized about a year ago (and I know you saw this long before I did), lies in deciding where to focus. Better that I aim one bullet at a bullseye than to spray the barnside with a machine gun.
When I don't overcommit, things tend to work out, and I still get hella shit done. Sometimes I need to turn off the Internet for awhile, though. [grin] With the advent of high-speed, it has become too much of a surrogate TV for me, and I need to tune out the distraction factor in order to achieve. I'm getting better at that. And not feeling looooonely when I do it.
(OK, that's enough for LJ.)
--Bill