(no subject)

[pantryslut]

I like the Can I Sit With You project, and I encourage people to submit.

I'm not going to, though.

Because I honestly don't have any stories, just a vague sense of unease. I'm pretty sure I was teased at such an early age that I don't even remember the specifics, because they are from before the time that memory really takes hold, i.e. three or four years old. I was a pretty self-contained kid by the time I was in first grade. There was something about me that made people keep their distance, for good and for ill. I had a few friends, mostly geeky boys. Sometime around fifth grade and probably via Girl Scouts, I tried being friends with girls but I didn't *get* girls or, especially, girly things, so it never quite clicked. I went back to hanging out with boys. Once in a while someone would try to tease me directly, and I would beat them up. It only took once or twice, and then folks more or less left me alone. Which is what I wanted. So.

I know I was teased at some point. I have absolutely vicious and unrelenting (and very effective) defensive strategies and feelings around the issue. But I don't remember any specifics at all. At all. And I don't think this is a traumatic block, I think it was an unrealized threat. Mostly, I remember being separate, and alone. Whether I wanted it (and sometimes I did), or not.

Comments

[agenthandy.livejournal.com]

what you've written above certainly seems like a story ... even though it's not about having a "story" all pretty with punctuation and stuff. i think you should send what you have with header / time stamp / ip and all.

just my 2 cents.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I'll consider it. Hm.